Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I stole a fireplace last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
