Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
only you would photoshop your dick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
