hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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