yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's even glitter on my cock...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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