I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize