Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
