I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
