I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
