If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
