you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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