dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this will be a night to untag.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
