Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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