id be glad to
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
