I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
