i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
