I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So many bounce houses so little time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
