I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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