Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize