As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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