I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize