Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
foreskin is a definite game changer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
