She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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