I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
