how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
