This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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