there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize