If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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