someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
