My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
