Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
