Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
