and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
