Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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