Your mouth is God's brothel.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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