I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize