the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
