So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there was a trapeze. enough said
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
