Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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