hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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