I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
