Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
