This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize