Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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