so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize