First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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