Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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