Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
