I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
