That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
