Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
