I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize