There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
