Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
