we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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