she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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