I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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