He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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