the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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