so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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