do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I want is dick and wine.
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