Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
