was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
