is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
