Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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