i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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