Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
