ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
