You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
