you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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