people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
