I just cut my nipple shaving
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
