He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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